Over the Weekend...

I'm Backkkk!!!!
I missed you lovelies so so much while I was away, you have no idea how much I caved without the support that blogging gives me.
I feel like it's been forever since I posted! I mean, I've been doing so much better with my posting daily and my eating and such, and to go and throw that all away because of Thanksgiving weekend was such a shame. And unfortunately I mean that in both respects. Yes, this weekend I knew I wouldn't be able to post easily, so I'm posting today for the whole weekend. But unfortunately, eating this weekend didn't go as well as I had hoped.

I've already posted about Friday and my dinner out and such. After dinner was fine though, so I don't think I did too horribly there. Saturday I worked out for an hour on the elliptical and then did my regular workout (which works out to about -749cals. My dad made me waffles for breakfast (340 cals) yogurt for lunch (50cals) and then turkey dinner and pie for dessert (no idea what the cals are on that because I wasn't able to measure anything!) I hate being away from my house because when I'm on my own, I'm able to measure the amount of what I'm eating and then calculate the calories... but when I'm away, I can't do that and it freaks me right out! For the dinner, I had about a tablespoon each of sweet potatoes, peas and carrots, two pieces of turkey (each piece is about the size of 2 of my fingers wide and my index finger long, so not big) and then a teeny (less than a tsp) of gravy because the turkey was a little dry. So I don't think I did too bad there, but then dessert was so decadent, it had to be like 500 calories or something. It was soooo good, but I was so disgusted in myself afterwards, and by the time I got home (we were at my grandparents apartment) there was no point in purging.

Sunday was no walk in the park either. I had an egg and toast and bacon (ugh-again made by dad- like 600 cals) for breakfast and skipped lunch in order to work out. I was so disappointed in myself that I ran outside for 30 minutes, then did interval training on the elliptical for an hour, followed by my usual workout (-1347). Then for dinner we had shredded pork in barbecue sauce with salad. I kept the portions super super small but I still feel awful about it because I don't know everything that went into dinner and so I don't even have a guess to how many calories went into my body.

Then today. Thank god I was able to leave my parents house around lunch time because I'd be dead right now if I hadn't. Today, I had planned to fast, but because my travel plans got pushed back, I had to have breakfast with the family ( I managed to opt out of french toast and just have peanut butter and honey on toast instead) and then for lunch I had a grilled cheese sandwich. So naturally, I not only feel like shit in my stomach because I'm not used to eating so much, but I also feel like shit in the sense that I ate so much and I'm a disgusting PIGGG. It's been crazy hot weather all weekend, so once the sun starts to set in another hour, I'm going to go for an hour long run followed by my usual workout (-1048cals) to make up for today, but I still really hate myself. I'm not going to let myself have the 500 calorie allotment tomorrow, instead I'm going to fast for the next 2 days (Wednesday is a fast day) and get back on track for Thursday.

As soon as my time of the month is over I'll weigh myself, but I imagine I've probably gained back all of the weight that I lost last week thanks to this weekend. But I WILL stay positive, I'm going to be where I want to be by Halloween, and since I'm not going anywhere for a while, it'll be really easy to stick to the diet now. I'm going to do my best to up my workouts now in order to make up for the damage of this weekend, and hopefully I can fix myself.

Now onto boys
Of course, it wouldn't be a post by Leigha if there wasn't a slight discussion about boys. So here it is. I saw my best friend in the entire world this weekend. We'll call him Rocky (because he's a rockstar ahaha). Anywayssss we've been best friends for ages, and back when I dated my ex, he constantly accused me of cheating on him with Rocky. For the record, I never did, and to this day (over a year later) I still have not hooked up with Rocky, even though I've had countless opportunities to do so. So here's the thing. Rocky and I are perfect for each other, he's head over heels for me and has been for as long as we've been friends. And me, well I'm in complete denial about the whole ordeal. See, I love Rocky, to death but I'd rather die than risk ruining our friendship. And Rocky, well he's sweet enough that he's never even tried to make too intense of a  move on me because he doesn't want to put me in an uncomfortable position, or scare me off (because let's be honest, I'd bolt), because he doesn't want our friendship ruined either. (He made a move on me once last year, while we were both drinking, I was having an awful night, and it was easy to blow off but he's been good otherwise). Anyways, so we hung out last night, it was great and all that jazz, we literally act like a married couple: my mom came down the stairs and he and I were lying on the couch watching a movie- I was lying with my feet up at the end of the couch, and he was lying the other way with his head in my lap- no awkwardness or anything, that's just how we are together. My mom insists that we were made for each other but I'm just too afraid to loose him as a friend and I know the ball is in my court, so any decisions about my and Rocky's future is up to me.

Oh, and to make it worse, Rocky is one of Ducky's BEST FRIENDS! UGHHHH! This is where it gets messy, because I really like Ducky and would love to try and see how we would work out, but I don't a) want to hurt Rocky, and b) I don't know how much Ducky knows about me and Rocky's relationship. UGHHH so much confusion! I cannot WAIT until the 29th to figure things out with me and Ducky face to face! I talk to him all the time, and I want to just casually throw in the conversation -"oh hey, we should go out sometime!" but I don't think he'd ever tell Rocky about what he thinks about me, and I don't have any tight guy friends that I could run this shit by, so I don't know the protocol on this stuff. helllppppp!  ahha

Anyways, that's all for now! Tomorrow I shall fast and this week is going to be ME time- in which I FIGURE SHIT OUT! ughhh!