Dearest Beth

To Beth's comment on my last posting, I started typing this out as a quick response, but then it spiraled out of control, so I decided to just make it a post instead. So here goes:

haha i lovveee you-
Yes I'm able to breathe, but I'm slowly running out of sanity. Ohmagee, SO MANY EXAMS! thankfully though, I'm not too stressed about them which is good, I'm just taking it one day at a time.

My eating has been all over the place, my mind is so on these exams its ridiculous, generally I've been doing well basically staying pretty close to or way under my food limit, unfortunately today hasn't gone well at all, I had a work meeting where we were cooked breakfast and such, and then I realized how starving I was (when I dont eat, I don't notice, but when I do eat, she'gon. I just chow down)

Anywhooo, well after my breakfast meeting (aka around 2pm today) I couldnt focus on studying because I was so hungry, so I ate some toast and eggs (but at least it wasn't all crap junk food) and as much as I regret it, hopefully my resulting good grades on this exam will balance out my self loathing to make up for todays failure. That's what I'm hoping anyways. Plus I now feel like shit because I ate (like physically feel like crap, my tummy hurrrrts because I'm not used to eating so much at one time) I'm about to go on a study break right now (aka hour long track workout) to hopefully break even for what I ate today, and then tomorrow I think I'll fast to make up for it. Actually,  I anticipate on just saying 'fuck it' and fasting (or eating MINIMALLLL) for the rest of the week too, just so I'm not trying to freak out over what I'm eating as well as my exams- plus halloween party this weekend... The less I eat now, the better I'll look and feel on Saturday!

Look for my next post Wednesday night or Thursday morning once my exams are DONEZO!

Love you all! xo



Edit: ps, re: my last post... oops, I slept with him the next night... baaadddd Leigha. But on the plus side, I think we're both on the same page that dating isn't high on my to do list (haha especially since I'm in love with Ducky)- but it was a great confidence booster. ;)