Gah, I was doing SO WELL with my fast yesterday, I was like an hour away from Pilates time, and was out shopping with the not-boyfriend exboyfriend. (gah my life is so complicated). Anyways, we were out, shopping, and then he invited me for dinner/movie at his house. I bailed on Pilates, didn't do too bad on dinner (def under 300 cal) then we had some like caramel popcorn, which I still don't think did TOO much damage, overall for yesterday I was probably around 500 cal, definitely under 600 though. Which sucks, but it wasn't terrible. I wish I knew how he does it, but he just makes me feel so comfortable, and I don't even notice what I've eaten until it's gone. Ugh. But then I got a little workout in ;) so all was well.
But today. Today was the big problem. Woke up in the morning and decided that I was still fasting to make up for yesterday. Was getting ready for class, and he of course distracted me (oh yeah, I slept over there haha). Anyways, I woke up determined to fast, go for a run, etc.
But then we had a quickie.
Then I had a seizure (I'm fine, don't panic, it happens)
Then we decided we had 20 mins before we had to leave for class... I slowly got up, and showered and such, but by the time we were both ready, we'd basically decided to not go to class, and to go for Coffee instead. How could I say no. I was in a daze. So we went, I had a calorie filled latte (yes and he used the line "because I like you a latte"- straight out of the movies. It was adorable. THEN we decided to go for lunch. He wanted to go for Subway, which I was okay with because I was just going to pick my veggies and such out and just eat them without the bread- not too bad. But when we pulled in front of Subway, he decided he wanted something a little fancier, and we decided to go for sushi instead. How could I resist sushi! I've been avoiding it for so long. It's been almost a year since I've last had it because it doesn't help me loose weight at all. But somehow he convinced me, and we had all you can eat sushi. I'm bursting at the seams. I still didn't even eat that much, but I'm so stuffed, I feel disgusting. And so now, I'm not going to the gym because I'm so full I'd rather not barf all over their nice equipment... and as much as I'd love to purge (not even for like bulimic purposes, but only to make my stomach hurt a little less)- I know I can't because I just took my birth control, and I'd rather be fat for a little longer than pregnant for 9 months then stuck with a baby (see my rational thinking is still in tact at least) gahhhh I'm so full! And I'm so stupid! And I'm so angry with myself!
Clearly, I'm not eating for the rest of today (not that I'll even want/need to)
Hopefully I didn't undo all of the hard work I've done the last couple weeks
And I'm fasting for the rest of the week (until I go home this weekend- so 3 days fast- then veggies and such at home with the parents this weekend. Pretty fair I think, it's definitely doable)
140s by next week? Oh yes, I think so. Positive attitude, I'll be there! :)
I'm sure you didn't undo anything, so don't let it get you down. Do you have any sort of condition that caused your seizure though? I hope it wasn't because of the restriction. Electrolyte imbalances from restricting too much can actually make things worse, so please try and be careful and definitely don't purge (it's so much worse...) <3
ReplyDeletemy boy makes me forget whats going in my mouth too, i end up eating more around him. But it sounds like the two of u had a nice time together :)
ReplyDeleteohmigosh same here!!! LOVE sushi...my bro took us out to sushi a month ago too, whilst on the abc diet. and the thing is u have no idea how many calories it is because 1. its all u can eat and 2. u cant rly search up every single piece of sushi u ate lol. but after that i just went for a 2 hr run. and the next day i weighed the same:) i rly hope ur ok from the seizure tho! and yess!!! u can definitely do it! Good luck & stay strong<3
ReplyDeleteoh i used to have epilepsy! do you have epilepsy? ya it does sound like you had fun with him!!! sometimes when you with peoplei think its good to eat bec then they think u dont have an ed and itll hopefuly speed up your metabolism! and im glad you didnt purge. purging sucks i hate what it does to my throat!
ReplyDeletemen. they're hypnotic. and bitchy. and horrible. and ASDFGHJKL i don't want a man in my life.
ReplyDeletecaramel popcorn sounds heavenly. i'd had it ONCE in my life.
a quickie?! ...that guy. >_< and a seizure sounds horrible and serious. if you do have epilepsy, then :(. for me, if a seizure ever occured, then dammit...
fucking men. trying to get us all fat. and sushi sounds lovely with the guy anyway. try not to worry about it calorie-wise. he likes you ;). and he's a bastard that took you away from me. you're MINEEEEEE.
oh thank God for rationality.
hopefully so.
-Sam Lupin