Leigha, you horrible failure

Ugh.
Totally forgot that today was my roommate's Birthday.
FAIL
Recovered last minute with one of the birthday cards I had stashed away "just in case"
Her boyfriend made perogies for dinner,
like 250 cals for 4? I had like 12 or so...
FAIL
And I had been doing SO WELL, fasting for the 3 days up until this...
Then came the birthday cake... with the icing...
FAIL
And then the cheetos
FAIL no, I take that back, I only had a small handful and stopped at that, as much as it sucks and WAS actually a fail, it was under 50 cal, and I prevented myself from getting more :) woo

UGH I hate myself right now, I was doing sooo wellllll, and let's be honest, the gym is closed and it's pouring fucking rain outside (like, torrential downpour) so I'm not going to be working this off tonight...
FAIL

I just hope I don't go up too horribly... I was doing so well.. the rate I was going, I'd have been back into the 140s by Saturday... I know it.
HUGE FUCKING FAIL

In jealous news, my momma just stopped her cleanse (ie lemonade diet) because she got sick (not from the diet, she was getting sick when she started)- she did it for 4 days and lost 8lbs. I'm kinda stoked to go back on that (starting FRIDAY NIGHT for anyone wondering)

Well, I'm going to kick my failure ass into bed. Then classes tomorrow, then KICKBOXING and perhaps a half hour run after to balance out my damage from today.


  

Not really anything new...

Hey guys,
So I know if you're anything like me, you've probably seen/heard most of these stats before, but this was posted on my friends Facebook wall today, and I was so stunned by the LAST BULLET that I HAD to share:

 

Eating Disorder Awareness Month,  Day 26. Barbie Has an Eating Disorder!

• If Barbie were an actual women, she would be 5’9” tall, have a 39” bust, an 18” waist, 33” hips and a size 3 shoe.
• Barbie calls this a “full figure” and likes her weight at 110 lbs.
• At 5’9” tall and weighing 110 lbs, Barbie would have a BMI of 16.24 and fit the weight criteria for anorexia. She likely would not menstruate.
• If Barbie was a real woman, she’d have to walk on all fours due to her proportions.
• Slumber Party Barbie was introduced in 1965 and came with a bathroom scale permanently set at 110 lbs with a book entitled “How to Lose Weight” with directions inside stating simply “Don’t eat.”

Read that last bullet again... I think that's incredibly messed up. That message reached millions of little kids who could have gotten the impression that Barbie's secret of not eating is the key to being beautiful, since she is the symbol of beauty to little kids.

Yeah. I was so stunned. Okay, yes I have an ED, but NEVER would I wish it upon anyone EVER. Especially not little kids, pulling shit like that is exactly why we're so fucked up. (Okay, I speak for myself but still). Mind you the sleepover Barbie came out in 1965 but still, stunned.  As for the rest of the information given here, I think people get too worked up over it... I don't think that a doll's proportions could be the sole reason that kids get low self esteem, and personally, I loved Barbies as a kid, but I never felt fat compared to her because I never compared myself to her... but messages like "Don't Eat" is a little bit concerning. 


Sorry for the rant, I'm such a mom, always concerned about innocent young minds (no, I'm not literally a mom)


GAH anyways lovve you guys! 
Speaking of not eating btw, I'm still fasting and doing well (I know, I'm such a fucked up hypocrite), but I'd never TELL someone to not eat!
AHHH gotta go! I'm so late for work! But I just HAD to post this real quick!

As if this is happening!

I know, two posts in like... an hour! I'm on a roll
So I was just talking to my mom, and the news she gave me doesnt get much better than this!
You all know how weekends are the death of us. We all do so well with out intakes and such throughout the week (ie: I'm confident that I'll have no trouble fasting today until Thursday, but once the weekend rolls around it always goes to hell)
This weekend will be no exception- I'll go home and be expected to eat and such
Or will I?
My mom's friend convinced her to try the master cleanse (minus SWF) with her... she was telling me about it, and I played dumb like I didn't know what it was- et voila, I was "so interested" that I decided to try it myself
So gameplan:
Fast this week until Thursday
Master Cleanse Friday-Sunday when I go home then I'll probs just continue doing that for at least a week
Also, to my lovely stillimagining, I found this Matcha Green Tea you spoke of in your last post, and they sell it at the teahouse around the corner from where I live, so I'll definitely be stocking up on that today as well! :) Thanks for telling us about it!

Day 1

So today is day one of me being back home sweet home away from my parentals and whatnot (food ugh)
As such, I'm celebrating by taking this week to liquid fast and workout like crazy because I'm back at 155 because of reading week (but I expect a lot of that is water weight since I usually retain SO MUCH for a few days after a night of drinking- and I was drinking for 3 days) I'm determined to get into the 140s verrryyyy shortly
Anyways, I'll keep updating on that as the week goes on
Today I got up first thing in the morning and hit the gym at 9am, ran 5km on the treadmill then had to leave because I've got so much to do today! But still, that's about 300 cals burned so I can't complain.
<3

Back from the Wilderness

So I spent the last couple days at the cabin in the woods with some friends! The lake's crazy frozen so we got to skate and build snowmen and toboggan and snowball fight, and so on! And drink, of course :)

Anyways, this week's been pretty tame, not much to report on.
Lent: what did you give up! I know it's a couple days late but come on, what part of "cabin in the middle of the woods" screamed "I had internet capabilities" ahah! anyways, I've decided to give up processed food- which is a biggg step for me since I love it so much, but I'm going to be determined to eat whole foods, fruits, veggies, organics and the lot, at least until Easter.

Also! I finally bought Skinny Bitch! If you haven't heard of it, definitely check it out it's worth the read! I'm still reading it, but when I'm done I'll post some noteworthy things!

But I must go do some unpacking! and reading! Love you guys!

Also:
carousel- haha yesss lovveed reading week! went to the cabin for the weekend with some friends, super fun! And haah oh no I know he wouldn't judge, I just want to look fantastic when immortalized in a photograph next to the Legend himself! ahah

Sam- LOOOVE you! And hell yeah man! Marvel is my life! Superman is also my life (DC) but otherwise I'm all about the Marvel comics haha

Gymnast, I missed you too! and ughhhhh bridezilla is the WORST! Thankfully my friend is WAYYY laid back, goodluck with the wedding though! I love weddings! I can't wait to have my own!

Oh hai, miss me?

Hey Guys!
I've been so swamped, but hopefully I can now take a breather.
So yes, I'm here now, at home, on spring break... which isn't exactly the best for eating but once I get back home on Saturday, It'll be right back to my strict regimen.
I went wedding dress shopping with my bride to be friend the other day, and she's decided that we're going to go bridesmaid dress shopping in the summer (which for us lasts from the months of April until august- though I imagine that well be looking in about June)- this means that I have until June to get where I want to be. or at least get closeish. I can totally do this. March is going to begin some ever strict exercise and eating- moreso than it has been as of late.
Also, I've been hanging out with the ex boy for a while now, as you all know... and things are going really well. I'm happier than I have been in a while, and he spoils me rotten which I adore. This is unfortunately another reason behind my mysterious disappearance though- I've been spending a lot of nights at his house, and I can't just pull up my blog onto his computer without having a lot of questions to answer.
Some days I feel like I'm so close to telling him my secret... but then I remember that it's fucked and he would never understand... so I just keep my lips sealed.
We're still not dating per se, but we're pretty much joined at the hip...in fact, he's coming over for dinner with the family shortly.
On the plus side, I may not be able to share my ED with him, but I can rely on him a bit to fuel my exercise obsession.... like myself, he's a runner... a few weeks ago I told him that I wanted to attempt a marathon this summer... and he's all over it. SO, the second that the snow is gone from the ground, we'll be hitting the pavement for training, which, though he has no clue, will really make things easier for me.
In other news... Ottawa was fun, the boy asked me if I wanted to spend a weekend in Niagara falls, which I'm pretty excited to do since I've only ever been there once since it was so far away from where I grew up (aka a whole province away)- but now that it's closer, it's so much more of a possibility!
AND, ok sooo some of you may have noticed that I'm a HUGE comic book nerd. I put most boys to shame, it's pretty fun because you don't generally expect someone who looks like me to be SO well informed on every aspect of Marvel Comics. It's a gift that I'm rather proud of. A lot of guys try to impress me with comic knowledge and I just throw them down and put them in their places ;)
ANYWAYS, I'm telling you all of this because it is also well known that my DREAM is to meet Stan Lee, the creator of Marvel Comics.... and I'm going to get the chance to meet him. IF and ONLY IF I can bring my weight down to the 130s. That's my deal with myself. I'll spend the money to travel a ways away to meet him, if I get at least close to my UGW.
I NEED to look great in my bridesmaid dress, and this reward is just an added bonus
I was walking my puppy with a friend and his dog today, and he got talking about how everyone went away to university and gained weight. Now, he wouldn't have said that if he had realized that I put on weight too, which is a good thing, but I was in a winter coat, and I don't want to can't be like everyone else, I need to be where I want to be.

I know my thoughts are kind of all over the place here, but bare with me. lol I'm off to read all of your blogs now!

Love you guys <3

sup guys?

Still Alive
Drowning in Exams
Friday Night begins my spring break, so I promise to give a lengthy post and to catch up on all your lives over the next few days!

xo

Hello From the Road

Hey Guys,
So here I am, in Ottawa, and I just really needed to post some of my frustration... because I can't say it out loud to anyone here...

So... this picture (below) is HAUNTING me

Dayummmm Jessica Alba, you FOINNEEEE

But seriously. WHY are you so gorgeous. All of my guy friends seem to be OBSESSED with this picture. The guy that I'm in this complicated relationship with has it as the background on his computer, its his roommate (another one of my good friends)'s background on his cellphone, and now here, in Ottawa, it's a poster on a wall of the apartment that I'm staying in
It's so frustrating.
Why can't I look like that... I feel like I'll never be good enough unless this is what I look like, and it's because this picture seems to be EVERYWHERE.

Don't get me wrong, she is gorgeous and deserves to be worshiped, but its just upsetting because clearly all of the guys in my life want something like that, but they're settling for less because they can't get it...

GAH. Not a good start to the weekend...

BRB

I know, I'm a terrible friend not posting/catching up on blogs

But it's midterms.

You know how it is...

Anyways! Here's the thing:
Midterm Today
Midterm Tomorrow                    (ALSO, Birthday Tomrorow! WOOO)
Ottawa Thursday (ForWeekend)
Midterm Tuesday

Sooooo I'll be back... eventually... but don't expect much for a while!

Love you guys! xo

IM IN THE WEDDING PARTY

I'm also going to be having a HUGEEEE role in planning it!
GAH SO FUCKING EXCITED!
Catch you all on the flip side when I have more time to update/ blog and read your guys's posts!

Later Skaters!