Ughhhh!
I had a TERRIBLE day yesterday, in fact, I've been having a terrible few days now, and it's 10:00am and I'm already having another terrible day!
Sorry I just have to vent on here to you guys because none of my friends would understand.
So from the beginning: I have my puppy with me for 2 weeks (this week and next) because my parents are going to Florida and so I need to take care of him. My roommate however, freaked out over this (which is stupid because she LOVES dogs, but she doesnt want our landlord to find out (which he wouldnt unless someone told him because he doesnt just drop by unannounced) SO I've been staying at the boys' house. No big deal. They all love me, they love him... problem solved right?
Wrong.
I was doing GREAT on the lemonade diet, was up to 4 days, and then at the end of the 4th day, I got soooo sick (from doing the laxatives with it I think, because I've fasted 5 days no problem in the past if you recall) so I had a nap and when I awoke, the boy had made us some carb-loaded dinner (I'd have preferred soup, or fruits and veggies so to ease back into food and not shock my system)... but no problem, I still lost .6 lbs. I was fucking down to 150.2... UGHHHHH!
THEN THE NEXT DAY I came home from work and he had made chicken breast on a bun (not bad, 150ish cal overestimated) and then we had fucking SO MUCH JUNK FOOD!
153lbs
in one day. okay, not bad, it's just water weight.... I'm upset but I'll fast tomorrow and be back down at least a pound
tomorrow (yesterday) comes... kickstart the lemonade diet again, get home from school, he's made us another delicious looking meal to share this time at least (I had said I wasnt feeling well so he made soup and such)- made me eat it.... then dessert, later a muffin and hot chocolate. I don't even want to know what I'm at now.... I was so excited to be in the 140s! ughhhh!
Also last night: dog peed in the house 20 minutes after I took him outside... on one of the boys' beds.
the boy and I got in a fight over car keys because he was being a dick
I was crazy studying for a final that I have today (in a few hours- at the library now actually) and I don't get the material. I'm going to fail. I know I am... It's my own fault, I barely paid any attention to that class... but still... I'm so stressed... so everyone thinks that I'm overreacting to the exam stress and the dog stress when really I just want to be able to not eat.
Also, I've had nightmares every night since I started sleeping at the boy's house.... (which is stupid because without the dog I usually sleep there once/twice a week anyways)- so that's also been keeping me up.
As for today... well I got up and he had already poured me a bowl of cereal and brought it to me (in bed) as an apology for yesterday night
FAT FAAT FAAAAAAATTTT :( Sooooo I haven't weighed today... and I have no intention of doing so... but I imagine I'm probably back to 155... again... SO FRUSTRATED.
My plan is to just fast as much as I can during the days, and eat only dinner when he makes it at night (otherwise I'll go without). Next Thursday the dog goes back, I go home, and I can start the Lemonade diet again (Don't worry, I'll be careful- load up on fruits if I start to feel sick- also I found that I didnt do the laxatives every day either this last time because I didn't always have the time- but I still lost so whatevs)
I still fully intend on being 140 by the end of the month.... but I'm just so frustrated at the moment! :(
Hopefully you're all doing better than me!
Oh darling :( I am so sorry. That really sucks. I have NO idea what I weigh and I've been eating crap. We WILL get down to 140. And look at you, fasting for four days straight. That's such inspiration <3
ReplyDelete-Emma
ya dont get bent up out of shape about it we all have bad days. luckily we have this united sisterhood to vent to:) sounds like that boy is really nice... does he like you?
ReplyDeleteNot being able to completely control what we eat happens to everyone, it'll be ok. Just do what you can and hold on till next week! Do people freak out if you're like, "it's ok, I don't want any food, just ate at school"?
ReplyDeleteStay strong and good luck!
aww *hugs* rly dear u did so well dnt worry! Its not like you had a choice! pls dnt blame urself:) & im sure the weight will fall off easily whatever u may have gained...its not like u binged! & regardless uve definitely gained insight from his experience so ull know what to do in the future:) im so sry abt the fight and everything else, things will pass and it will get better:) Good luck on finals! Stay strong<3
ReplyDeleteSending many hugs and love your way <3 It seems like a lot of us are having shittier days now due to all the exam stress which only worsens existing problems. I can completely empathize with the frustration you're feeling right now.
ReplyDeleteDon't worry about the water weight. The frustrating thing about fasting is always the eventual water gain, especially if you don't have the chance to ease out of it. I am sure that it will level off and your body will start functioning normally again. It just takes time. The after-bloating is much worse when you've fasted for more than two weeks so in a way, ending it at 5 days is a blessing in disguise.
I think I bombed one of my midterms as well.. but just remind yourself it's not the end of the year yet, and you still have a chance to raise your mark regardless of how you did on this one. Panicking more right now will only end up making things harder for you later on. It's a frustrating period now, but it will eventually pass as it always does.
Take care <3
sounds frustrating! don't blame yourself love!
ReplyDeleteYou have been going through a very trying time. I hope everything is ok!! I love and miss you terribly.
ReplyDeleteStay strong.