149.8!

True Story! I'm SO SO SO SO SOOOO HAPPY
And In case I probably forgot to post, I got my dress for the wedding last weekend and now I'm so excited because I"M GOING TO LOOK FABULOUS!
I'll post more later when I'm not swamped but yes! So Excited!
I Know I've been SO CRAZY bad at blogging lately, but I PROMISE to do better, starting after April 20th! That's my last final exam, and I'm banning myself from my computer until I'm done because I NEEEEEEEDDD to do well on them!
Love you all
Miss you lots! <3

"I'm going to post at least twice a week" blah blah blah

LIES! Yes I know. I'm a dirty little liar. Yet again I have been a horrid blogger and I feel like I'm probably at least a week behind in all of your lives. And yes, yet again I'm blogging from my phone.

 But there's a light at the end of this dark tunnel of assignments and shit! ONE MORE PAPER! One more, then ill give a proper update and a proper read of all of your blogs. This weekend. Promise! I'm going home for the holiday so ill have lots of time for everyone!

 Love yous and hope all is well, I've been doing terribly because my period is being a little bitch and bloating the fuck out of me... But more on that later! <3

Keep meaning to share this!

Hey Guys,
So just a real quick post before I head out to the gym (GASP)
My friend posted this on another friend's facebook wall like a month ago, and I kept meaning to share with you guys but I could never get to the link using my phone so I couldn't post it
Anyways, here it is now, better late than never. I thought it was a pretty interesting read, and Idunno I found it to be good thinspo, so maybe some of you will too!
I'll post a bigger update tomorrow night!
xo

Link: http://www.listal.com/list/going-skinny

such a bad mood

So I've jumped on the "blogging on my cellphone" train, well see how that goes.
So far, its deleting me every time I misuse the capitol letter "I" as in "I've", "I'm" and just plain "I" soooo wish me luck!
I'm desperately posting from my phone because sitting here, in such a terrible mood, no internet and I just want to cry.
First of, the boy made me get subway for dinner. I mean made. I bought fresh veggies yesterday to have tonight, had plans to bbq him some chicken  but NOPE, that happen. I'm pretty pissed since I told him want it but had to eat it anyways.
 I've aso been here for a few hours, and have been ignored the entire time. no internet, nobody is talking to me. wtf. The only thing keeping me here the insane wind going  outside.
 I'm so close to tears right now, and now I can't read what I'm typing, cool blogger. fuck you.  and sorry aout the typos guys, random letters coming through and now can't see so I hope this turns out okay.
Ughhhh I know I'm just rambling now. But I'm just so frustrated with school, and life and food. I fucking hate that I have ZERO motivation lately!
Anyways, I'm going to just go crawl into bed and die
Love yous!

lol whoops

Well You'll be glad to know that I updated myself on all of your blogs this morning
and forgot to update MY OWN BLOG
Sooo Silly
Anywhoo, not much to update on, I've been gone for 2+ weeks, I know I know, but not a whole lot has changed!
Exams start soon... but I'm going to try my best to blog at least once (I can do better than that) twice a week!
I've been TERRIBLE with my intake lately
But I'm managing to maintain at 150 even, soooo as disappointed as I am in myself for not loosing, I can't complain because I haven't gained either woo!
HOWEVER! It's back to the grind this week! I SHALL SUCCEED!
I have SO MUCH to look forward to in the near future and I want to be able to use some of these things as rewards (I'll update more on said things as they get closer!) 
SPEAKING OF GOOD THINGS: if you haven't read the Hunger Games SERIES yet (yes, I edited and added series... so many people just read the first one and are like "I hated the ending because it didn't wrap up, it just..ended. THATS BECAUSE THERES 2 MORE BOOKS!)... where the hell have you been? GO FUCKING DO IT- and then see the movie. I went to the midnight screening last Thursdayyy (woo!) and yeah. mixed feelings but overall content with the goings on of the film

BUT ITS BEDTIME!
Love you all ever so terribly!

oh me oh my

I know I know! I've been so overly, terribly MIA for the past 2 weeks! But I promise, that WILL change... soon...ish
I have 3 papers due this week, then I'm going on a roadtrip this weekend, but I'll be back Sunday, and I WILL post an update, and I WILL spend the day catching up on all of your posts! And hopefully I will be doing that in the beautiful sunlight. It's been so hot and sunny the past 2 weeks! Tonight I'm going for a run, in the beautiful, glorious heat!
I Miss you all terribly!
<3 xox

Just need to vent

Ughhhh!
I had a TERRIBLE day yesterday, in fact, I've been having a terrible few days now, and it's 10:00am and I'm already  having another terrible day!
Sorry I just have to vent on here to you guys because none of my friends would understand.
So from the beginning: I have my puppy with me for 2 weeks (this week and next) because my parents are going to Florida and so I need to take care of him. My roommate however, freaked out over this (which is stupid because she LOVES dogs, but she doesnt want our landlord to find out (which he wouldnt unless someone told him because he doesnt just drop by unannounced) SO I've been staying at the boys' house. No big deal. They all love me, they love him... problem solved right?
Wrong.
I was doing GREAT on the lemonade diet, was up to 4 days, and then at the end of the 4th day, I got soooo sick (from doing the laxatives with it I think, because I've fasted 5 days no problem in the past if you recall) so I had a nap and when I awoke, the boy had made us some carb-loaded dinner (I'd have preferred soup, or fruits and veggies so to ease back into food and not shock my system)... but no problem, I still lost .6 lbs. I was fucking down to 150.2... UGHHHHH!
THEN THE NEXT DAY I came home from work and he had made chicken breast on a bun (not bad, 150ish cal overestimated) and then we had fucking SO MUCH JUNK FOOD!
153lbs
in one day. okay, not bad, it's just water weight.... I'm upset but I'll fast tomorrow and be back down at least a pound
tomorrow (yesterday) comes... kickstart the lemonade diet again, get home from school, he's made us another delicious looking meal to share this time at least (I had said I wasnt feeling well so he made soup and such)- made me eat it.... then dessert, later a muffin and hot chocolate. I don't even want to know what I'm at now.... I was so excited to be in the 140s! ughhhh!
Also last night: dog peed in the house 20 minutes after I took him outside... on one of the boys' beds.
the boy and I got in a fight over car keys because he was being a dick
I was crazy studying for a final that I have today (in a few hours- at the library now actually) and I don't get the material. I'm going to fail. I know I am... It's my own fault, I barely paid any attention to that class... but still... I'm so stressed... so everyone thinks that I'm overreacting to the exam stress and the dog stress when really I just want to be able to not eat.
Also, I've had nightmares every night since I started sleeping at the boy's house.... (which is stupid because without the dog I usually sleep there once/twice a week anyways)- so that's also been keeping me up.
As for today... well I got up and he had already poured me a bowl of cereal and brought it to me (in bed) as an apology for yesterday night

FAT FAAT FAAAAAAATTTT :( Sooooo I haven't weighed today... and I have no intention of doing so... but I imagine I'm probably back to 155... again... SO FRUSTRATED.
My plan is to just fast as much as I can during the days, and eat only dinner when he makes it at night (otherwise I'll go without). Next Thursday the dog goes back, I go home, and I can start the Lemonade diet again (Don't worry, I'll be careful- load up on fruits if I start to feel sick- also I found that I didnt do the laxatives every day either this last time because I didn't always have the time- but I still lost so whatevs)
I still fully intend on being 140 by the end of the month.... but I'm just so frustrated at the moment! :(

Hopefully you're all doing better than me!

Ahhhh Much Better

Alright my lovelies,
Was back at the fasting hard today, and I believe it went exceedingly well
I'm now just hanging out and doing some homework

But alas, bad news. Is there ever any good?
Tomorrow I head home for the weekend, also, I'm starting the lemonade diet- yes to get into those blessed 140s, but also to actually cleanse (SHOCK!) but yes, I've felt like crap lately, and I need this

Unfortunately, after this weekend, I'll be spending the next two weeks with some friends, and mayyyy or may not be able to blog. I'll try my very very best, but just in case you worry, I won't be dead! <3

Leigha, you horrible failure

Ugh.
Totally forgot that today was my roommate's Birthday.
FAIL
Recovered last minute with one of the birthday cards I had stashed away "just in case"
Her boyfriend made perogies for dinner,
like 250 cals for 4? I had like 12 or so...
FAIL
And I had been doing SO WELL, fasting for the 3 days up until this...
Then came the birthday cake... with the icing...
FAIL
And then the cheetos
FAIL no, I take that back, I only had a small handful and stopped at that, as much as it sucks and WAS actually a fail, it was under 50 cal, and I prevented myself from getting more :) woo

UGH I hate myself right now, I was doing sooo wellllll, and let's be honest, the gym is closed and it's pouring fucking rain outside (like, torrential downpour) so I'm not going to be working this off tonight...
FAIL

I just hope I don't go up too horribly... I was doing so well.. the rate I was going, I'd have been back into the 140s by Saturday... I know it.
HUGE FUCKING FAIL

In jealous news, my momma just stopped her cleanse (ie lemonade diet) because she got sick (not from the diet, she was getting sick when she started)- she did it for 4 days and lost 8lbs. I'm kinda stoked to go back on that (starting FRIDAY NIGHT for anyone wondering)

Well, I'm going to kick my failure ass into bed. Then classes tomorrow, then KICKBOXING and perhaps a half hour run after to balance out my damage from today.


  

Not really anything new...

Hey guys,
So I know if you're anything like me, you've probably seen/heard most of these stats before, but this was posted on my friends Facebook wall today, and I was so stunned by the LAST BULLET that I HAD to share:

 

Eating Disorder Awareness Month,  Day 26. Barbie Has an Eating Disorder!

• If Barbie were an actual women, she would be 5’9” tall, have a 39” bust, an 18” waist, 33” hips and a size 3 shoe.
• Barbie calls this a “full figure” and likes her weight at 110 lbs.
• At 5’9” tall and weighing 110 lbs, Barbie would have a BMI of 16.24 and fit the weight criteria for anorexia. She likely would not menstruate.
• If Barbie was a real woman, she’d have to walk on all fours due to her proportions.
• Slumber Party Barbie was introduced in 1965 and came with a bathroom scale permanently set at 110 lbs with a book entitled “How to Lose Weight” with directions inside stating simply “Don’t eat.”

Read that last bullet again... I think that's incredibly messed up. That message reached millions of little kids who could have gotten the impression that Barbie's secret of not eating is the key to being beautiful, since she is the symbol of beauty to little kids.

Yeah. I was so stunned. Okay, yes I have an ED, but NEVER would I wish it upon anyone EVER. Especially not little kids, pulling shit like that is exactly why we're so fucked up. (Okay, I speak for myself but still). Mind you the sleepover Barbie came out in 1965 but still, stunned.  As for the rest of the information given here, I think people get too worked up over it... I don't think that a doll's proportions could be the sole reason that kids get low self esteem, and personally, I loved Barbies as a kid, but I never felt fat compared to her because I never compared myself to her... but messages like "Don't Eat" is a little bit concerning. 


Sorry for the rant, I'm such a mom, always concerned about innocent young minds (no, I'm not literally a mom)


GAH anyways lovve you guys! 
Speaking of not eating btw, I'm still fasting and doing well (I know, I'm such a fucked up hypocrite), but I'd never TELL someone to not eat!
AHHH gotta go! I'm so late for work! But I just HAD to post this real quick!

As if this is happening!

I know, two posts in like... an hour! I'm on a roll
So I was just talking to my mom, and the news she gave me doesnt get much better than this!
You all know how weekends are the death of us. We all do so well with out intakes and such throughout the week (ie: I'm confident that I'll have no trouble fasting today until Thursday, but once the weekend rolls around it always goes to hell)
This weekend will be no exception- I'll go home and be expected to eat and such
Or will I?
My mom's friend convinced her to try the master cleanse (minus SWF) with her... she was telling me about it, and I played dumb like I didn't know what it was- et voila, I was "so interested" that I decided to try it myself
So gameplan:
Fast this week until Thursday
Master Cleanse Friday-Sunday when I go home then I'll probs just continue doing that for at least a week
Also, to my lovely stillimagining, I found this Matcha Green Tea you spoke of in your last post, and they sell it at the teahouse around the corner from where I live, so I'll definitely be stocking up on that today as well! :) Thanks for telling us about it!

Day 1

So today is day one of me being back home sweet home away from my parentals and whatnot (food ugh)
As such, I'm celebrating by taking this week to liquid fast and workout like crazy because I'm back at 155 because of reading week (but I expect a lot of that is water weight since I usually retain SO MUCH for a few days after a night of drinking- and I was drinking for 3 days) I'm determined to get into the 140s verrryyyy shortly
Anyways, I'll keep updating on that as the week goes on
Today I got up first thing in the morning and hit the gym at 9am, ran 5km on the treadmill then had to leave because I've got so much to do today! But still, that's about 300 cals burned so I can't complain.
<3

Back from the Wilderness

So I spent the last couple days at the cabin in the woods with some friends! The lake's crazy frozen so we got to skate and build snowmen and toboggan and snowball fight, and so on! And drink, of course :)

Anyways, this week's been pretty tame, not much to report on.
Lent: what did you give up! I know it's a couple days late but come on, what part of "cabin in the middle of the woods" screamed "I had internet capabilities" ahah! anyways, I've decided to give up processed food- which is a biggg step for me since I love it so much, but I'm going to be determined to eat whole foods, fruits, veggies, organics and the lot, at least until Easter.

Also! I finally bought Skinny Bitch! If you haven't heard of it, definitely check it out it's worth the read! I'm still reading it, but when I'm done I'll post some noteworthy things!

But I must go do some unpacking! and reading! Love you guys!

Also:
carousel- haha yesss lovveed reading week! went to the cabin for the weekend with some friends, super fun! And haah oh no I know he wouldn't judge, I just want to look fantastic when immortalized in a photograph next to the Legend himself! ahah

Sam- LOOOVE you! And hell yeah man! Marvel is my life! Superman is also my life (DC) but otherwise I'm all about the Marvel comics haha

Gymnast, I missed you too! and ughhhhh bridezilla is the WORST! Thankfully my friend is WAYYY laid back, goodluck with the wedding though! I love weddings! I can't wait to have my own!

Oh hai, miss me?

Hey Guys!
I've been so swamped, but hopefully I can now take a breather.
So yes, I'm here now, at home, on spring break... which isn't exactly the best for eating but once I get back home on Saturday, It'll be right back to my strict regimen.
I went wedding dress shopping with my bride to be friend the other day, and she's decided that we're going to go bridesmaid dress shopping in the summer (which for us lasts from the months of April until august- though I imagine that well be looking in about June)- this means that I have until June to get where I want to be. or at least get closeish. I can totally do this. March is going to begin some ever strict exercise and eating- moreso than it has been as of late.
Also, I've been hanging out with the ex boy for a while now, as you all know... and things are going really well. I'm happier than I have been in a while, and he spoils me rotten which I adore. This is unfortunately another reason behind my mysterious disappearance though- I've been spending a lot of nights at his house, and I can't just pull up my blog onto his computer without having a lot of questions to answer.
Some days I feel like I'm so close to telling him my secret... but then I remember that it's fucked and he would never understand... so I just keep my lips sealed.
We're still not dating per se, but we're pretty much joined at the hip...in fact, he's coming over for dinner with the family shortly.
On the plus side, I may not be able to share my ED with him, but I can rely on him a bit to fuel my exercise obsession.... like myself, he's a runner... a few weeks ago I told him that I wanted to attempt a marathon this summer... and he's all over it. SO, the second that the snow is gone from the ground, we'll be hitting the pavement for training, which, though he has no clue, will really make things easier for me.
In other news... Ottawa was fun, the boy asked me if I wanted to spend a weekend in Niagara falls, which I'm pretty excited to do since I've only ever been there once since it was so far away from where I grew up (aka a whole province away)- but now that it's closer, it's so much more of a possibility!
AND, ok sooo some of you may have noticed that I'm a HUGE comic book nerd. I put most boys to shame, it's pretty fun because you don't generally expect someone who looks like me to be SO well informed on every aspect of Marvel Comics. It's a gift that I'm rather proud of. A lot of guys try to impress me with comic knowledge and I just throw them down and put them in their places ;)
ANYWAYS, I'm telling you all of this because it is also well known that my DREAM is to meet Stan Lee, the creator of Marvel Comics.... and I'm going to get the chance to meet him. IF and ONLY IF I can bring my weight down to the 130s. That's my deal with myself. I'll spend the money to travel a ways away to meet him, if I get at least close to my UGW.
I NEED to look great in my bridesmaid dress, and this reward is just an added bonus
I was walking my puppy with a friend and his dog today, and he got talking about how everyone went away to university and gained weight. Now, he wouldn't have said that if he had realized that I put on weight too, which is a good thing, but I was in a winter coat, and I don't want to can't be like everyone else, I need to be where I want to be.

I know my thoughts are kind of all over the place here, but bare with me. lol I'm off to read all of your blogs now!

Love you guys <3

sup guys?

Still Alive
Drowning in Exams
Friday Night begins my spring break, so I promise to give a lengthy post and to catch up on all your lives over the next few days!

xo

Hello From the Road

Hey Guys,
So here I am, in Ottawa, and I just really needed to post some of my frustration... because I can't say it out loud to anyone here...

So... this picture (below) is HAUNTING me

Dayummmm Jessica Alba, you FOINNEEEE

But seriously. WHY are you so gorgeous. All of my guy friends seem to be OBSESSED with this picture. The guy that I'm in this complicated relationship with has it as the background on his computer, its his roommate (another one of my good friends)'s background on his cellphone, and now here, in Ottawa, it's a poster on a wall of the apartment that I'm staying in
It's so frustrating.
Why can't I look like that... I feel like I'll never be good enough unless this is what I look like, and it's because this picture seems to be EVERYWHERE.

Don't get me wrong, she is gorgeous and deserves to be worshiped, but its just upsetting because clearly all of the guys in my life want something like that, but they're settling for less because they can't get it...

GAH. Not a good start to the weekend...

BRB

I know, I'm a terrible friend not posting/catching up on blogs

But it's midterms.

You know how it is...

Anyways! Here's the thing:
Midterm Today
Midterm Tomorrow                    (ALSO, Birthday Tomrorow! WOOO)
Ottawa Thursday (ForWeekend)
Midterm Tuesday

Sooooo I'll be back... eventually... but don't expect much for a while!

Love you guys! xo

IM IN THE WEDDING PARTY

I'm also going to be having a HUGEEEE role in planning it!
GAH SO FUCKING EXCITED!
Catch you all on the flip side when I have more time to update/ blog and read your guys's posts!

Later Skaters!

EEEKKKKK OMG!

I woke up this morning to a new BBM/Picture message on my phone!
One of my best friends got engaged last night!
nhaiodf;gjasefhagjsn gfipobhrajgesdfhasiofhgaerg!!!! I'M SO FUCKING EXCITEDDDD!
Unfortunately this means I won't be able to weigh in until the end of the week (instead of tomorrow as promised) but GAHHHH I'M SO EXCITED!
I haven't found out about the deets yet, mainly because I'm waiting for her to reply to my message, but I REALLLYYYY hope that there's a wedding, that I get to be in it, or at least I get to go to it, and that I get to help DRESS SHOP! Hellooooooo Motivation to loose more weight!
But NOW I'll have to be careful about my loss... the Bride-to-be is about the same size as I am, and as much as I'd like to will look fantastic at this wedding, I can't look better than her.
Hey, for once I'm thinking of someone other than myself and my ED... this is progress :)
Anyways... GFIU;AH;ODSHSIOADHFJGIHFAJHF IM SO HAPPY RIGHT NOW!
Love you guys, and I'll try my best to follow posts and such for the next few days but it looks as if my household is going to be atwitter with guests and such so I may not be able to post!
<3

Saturday

Sooo update on last night.

When I left you guys, I was still fasting, all was well.

I got home and my dad had made chicken wings and nachos... hellooo calories! Anyways, I ate only 4 wings (240 cals) and only a little bit of nachoes (soo lets round that up to say 300-350 max)
Then we had cake, and ice cream and cookies, and chips, cheese and crackers, the list goes on... I was polite and only had a little tiny bit of each, but still, I was sooo full, and I feel like I ate 10 million calories worth of CRAP

So I got up and worked out first think this morning (couldn't last night- family time and all haha)

So yeah, had a good hour long workout this morning... did 40 mins on the elliptical then the good ole 100 workout which feels like a pretty good output.

Then mom, dad and I just (LITERALLY just ) had dinner... some pad-thai wannabe meal... it was deeeelish. I took a tiny bit of rice, then my dad put on a scoop of chicken in some spicy thai sauce, then put cooked carrots and green beans on top, followed by bean sprouts and thinnnn slices of peppers. So me, being OH SO SMART, guzzled back some water, ate the veggies and a couple pieces of chicken (the pieces were about the diameter of a nickel and about a centimetre (under half an inch) thick) -and whatever rice was stuck to the chicken/veggies... then I went back and loaded up on more bean sprouts, ate them and voila, not only am I STUFFED, my parents think I ate a significant amount more than I actually did, and I barely touched my dinner.

Bravo for me... I figure dinner was in all likelihood under 400 cals to begin with, but I wouldnt be surprised if I was more in the 150 cal or less range- tres proud of myself!

Ps, bean sprouts for those of you who didn't know... are 27 cal for half a package (100 grams) ahaha yesssss! I love it!

Now the gameplan is to go out and stay away from food tonight.. Then I plan to workout then go home tomorrow morning- and resume fasting until at least Tuesday!

Love ya's