Leigha, you horrible failure

Ugh.
Totally forgot that today was my roommate's Birthday.
FAIL
Recovered last minute with one of the birthday cards I had stashed away "just in case"
Her boyfriend made perogies for dinner,
like 250 cals for 4? I had like 12 or so...
FAIL
And I had been doing SO WELL, fasting for the 3 days up until this...
Then came the birthday cake... with the icing...
FAIL
And then the cheetos
FAIL no, I take that back, I only had a small handful and stopped at that, as much as it sucks and WAS actually a fail, it was under 50 cal, and I prevented myself from getting more :) woo

UGH I hate myself right now, I was doing sooo wellllll, and let's be honest, the gym is closed and it's pouring fucking rain outside (like, torrential downpour) so I'm not going to be working this off tonight...
FAIL

I just hope I don't go up too horribly... I was doing so well.. the rate I was going, I'd have been back into the 140s by Saturday... I know it.
HUGE FUCKING FAIL

In jealous news, my momma just stopped her cleanse (ie lemonade diet) because she got sick (not from the diet, she was getting sick when she started)- she did it for 4 days and lost 8lbs. I'm kinda stoked to go back on that (starting FRIDAY NIGHT for anyone wondering)

Well, I'm going to kick my failure ass into bed. Then classes tomorrow, then KICKBOXING and perhaps a half hour run after to balance out my damage from today.


  

Not really anything new...

Hey guys,
So I know if you're anything like me, you've probably seen/heard most of these stats before, but this was posted on my friends Facebook wall today, and I was so stunned by the LAST BULLET that I HAD to share:

 

Eating Disorder Awareness Month,  Day 26. Barbie Has an Eating Disorder!

• If Barbie were an actual women, she would be 5’9” tall, have a 39” bust, an 18” waist, 33” hips and a size 3 shoe.
• Barbie calls this a “full figure” and likes her weight at 110 lbs.
• At 5’9” tall and weighing 110 lbs, Barbie would have a BMI of 16.24 and fit the weight criteria for anorexia. She likely would not menstruate.
• If Barbie was a real woman, she’d have to walk on all fours due to her proportions.
• Slumber Party Barbie was introduced in 1965 and came with a bathroom scale permanently set at 110 lbs with a book entitled “How to Lose Weight” with directions inside stating simply “Don’t eat.”

Read that last bullet again... I think that's incredibly messed up. That message reached millions of little kids who could have gotten the impression that Barbie's secret of not eating is the key to being beautiful, since she is the symbol of beauty to little kids.

Yeah. I was so stunned. Okay, yes I have an ED, but NEVER would I wish it upon anyone EVER. Especially not little kids, pulling shit like that is exactly why we're so fucked up. (Okay, I speak for myself but still). Mind you the sleepover Barbie came out in 1965 but still, stunned.  As for the rest of the information given here, I think people get too worked up over it... I don't think that a doll's proportions could be the sole reason that kids get low self esteem, and personally, I loved Barbies as a kid, but I never felt fat compared to her because I never compared myself to her... but messages like "Don't Eat" is a little bit concerning. 


Sorry for the rant, I'm such a mom, always concerned about innocent young minds (no, I'm not literally a mom)


GAH anyways lovve you guys! 
Speaking of not eating btw, I'm still fasting and doing well (I know, I'm such a fucked up hypocrite), but I'd never TELL someone to not eat!
AHHH gotta go! I'm so late for work! But I just HAD to post this real quick!

As if this is happening!

I know, two posts in like... an hour! I'm on a roll
So I was just talking to my mom, and the news she gave me doesnt get much better than this!
You all know how weekends are the death of us. We all do so well with out intakes and such throughout the week (ie: I'm confident that I'll have no trouble fasting today until Thursday, but once the weekend rolls around it always goes to hell)
This weekend will be no exception- I'll go home and be expected to eat and such
Or will I?
My mom's friend convinced her to try the master cleanse (minus SWF) with her... she was telling me about it, and I played dumb like I didn't know what it was- et voila, I was "so interested" that I decided to try it myself
So gameplan:
Fast this week until Thursday
Master Cleanse Friday-Sunday when I go home then I'll probs just continue doing that for at least a week
Also, to my lovely stillimagining, I found this Matcha Green Tea you spoke of in your last post, and they sell it at the teahouse around the corner from where I live, so I'll definitely be stocking up on that today as well! :) Thanks for telling us about it!

Day 1

So today is day one of me being back home sweet home away from my parentals and whatnot (food ugh)
As such, I'm celebrating by taking this week to liquid fast and workout like crazy because I'm back at 155 because of reading week (but I expect a lot of that is water weight since I usually retain SO MUCH for a few days after a night of drinking- and I was drinking for 3 days) I'm determined to get into the 140s verrryyyy shortly
Anyways, I'll keep updating on that as the week goes on
Today I got up first thing in the morning and hit the gym at 9am, ran 5km on the treadmill then had to leave because I've got so much to do today! But still, that's about 300 cals burned so I can't complain.
<3

Back from the Wilderness

So I spent the last couple days at the cabin in the woods with some friends! The lake's crazy frozen so we got to skate and build snowmen and toboggan and snowball fight, and so on! And drink, of course :)

Anyways, this week's been pretty tame, not much to report on.
Lent: what did you give up! I know it's a couple days late but come on, what part of "cabin in the middle of the woods" screamed "I had internet capabilities" ahah! anyways, I've decided to give up processed food- which is a biggg step for me since I love it so much, but I'm going to be determined to eat whole foods, fruits, veggies, organics and the lot, at least until Easter.

Also! I finally bought Skinny Bitch! If you haven't heard of it, definitely check it out it's worth the read! I'm still reading it, but when I'm done I'll post some noteworthy things!

But I must go do some unpacking! and reading! Love you guys!

Also:
carousel- haha yesss lovveed reading week! went to the cabin for the weekend with some friends, super fun! And haah oh no I know he wouldn't judge, I just want to look fantastic when immortalized in a photograph next to the Legend himself! ahah

Sam- LOOOVE you! And hell yeah man! Marvel is my life! Superman is also my life (DC) but otherwise I'm all about the Marvel comics haha

Gymnast, I missed you too! and ughhhhh bridezilla is the WORST! Thankfully my friend is WAYYY laid back, goodluck with the wedding though! I love weddings! I can't wait to have my own!

Oh hai, miss me?

Hey Guys!
I've been so swamped, but hopefully I can now take a breather.
So yes, I'm here now, at home, on spring break... which isn't exactly the best for eating but once I get back home on Saturday, It'll be right back to my strict regimen.
I went wedding dress shopping with my bride to be friend the other day, and she's decided that we're going to go bridesmaid dress shopping in the summer (which for us lasts from the months of April until august- though I imagine that well be looking in about June)- this means that I have until June to get where I want to be. or at least get closeish. I can totally do this. March is going to begin some ever strict exercise and eating- moreso than it has been as of late.
Also, I've been hanging out with the ex boy for a while now, as you all know... and things are going really well. I'm happier than I have been in a while, and he spoils me rotten which I adore. This is unfortunately another reason behind my mysterious disappearance though- I've been spending a lot of nights at his house, and I can't just pull up my blog onto his computer without having a lot of questions to answer.
Some days I feel like I'm so close to telling him my secret... but then I remember that it's fucked and he would never understand... so I just keep my lips sealed.
We're still not dating per se, but we're pretty much joined at the hip...in fact, he's coming over for dinner with the family shortly.
On the plus side, I may not be able to share my ED with him, but I can rely on him a bit to fuel my exercise obsession.... like myself, he's a runner... a few weeks ago I told him that I wanted to attempt a marathon this summer... and he's all over it. SO, the second that the snow is gone from the ground, we'll be hitting the pavement for training, which, though he has no clue, will really make things easier for me.
In other news... Ottawa was fun, the boy asked me if I wanted to spend a weekend in Niagara falls, which I'm pretty excited to do since I've only ever been there once since it was so far away from where I grew up (aka a whole province away)- but now that it's closer, it's so much more of a possibility!
AND, ok sooo some of you may have noticed that I'm a HUGE comic book nerd. I put most boys to shame, it's pretty fun because you don't generally expect someone who looks like me to be SO well informed on every aspect of Marvel Comics. It's a gift that I'm rather proud of. A lot of guys try to impress me with comic knowledge and I just throw them down and put them in their places ;)
ANYWAYS, I'm telling you all of this because it is also well known that my DREAM is to meet Stan Lee, the creator of Marvel Comics.... and I'm going to get the chance to meet him. IF and ONLY IF I can bring my weight down to the 130s. That's my deal with myself. I'll spend the money to travel a ways away to meet him, if I get at least close to my UGW.
I NEED to look great in my bridesmaid dress, and this reward is just an added bonus
I was walking my puppy with a friend and his dog today, and he got talking about how everyone went away to university and gained weight. Now, he wouldn't have said that if he had realized that I put on weight too, which is a good thing, but I was in a winter coat, and I don't want to can't be like everyone else, I need to be where I want to be.

I know my thoughts are kind of all over the place here, but bare with me. lol I'm off to read all of your blogs now!

Love you guys <3

sup guys?

Still Alive
Drowning in Exams
Friday Night begins my spring break, so I promise to give a lengthy post and to catch up on all your lives over the next few days!

xo

Hello From the Road

Hey Guys,
So here I am, in Ottawa, and I just really needed to post some of my frustration... because I can't say it out loud to anyone here...

So... this picture (below) is HAUNTING me

Dayummmm Jessica Alba, you FOINNEEEE

But seriously. WHY are you so gorgeous. All of my guy friends seem to be OBSESSED with this picture. The guy that I'm in this complicated relationship with has it as the background on his computer, its his roommate (another one of my good friends)'s background on his cellphone, and now here, in Ottawa, it's a poster on a wall of the apartment that I'm staying in
It's so frustrating.
Why can't I look like that... I feel like I'll never be good enough unless this is what I look like, and it's because this picture seems to be EVERYWHERE.

Don't get me wrong, she is gorgeous and deserves to be worshiped, but its just upsetting because clearly all of the guys in my life want something like that, but they're settling for less because they can't get it...

GAH. Not a good start to the weekend...

BRB

I know, I'm a terrible friend not posting/catching up on blogs

But it's midterms.

You know how it is...

Anyways! Here's the thing:
Midterm Today
Midterm Tomorrow                    (ALSO, Birthday Tomrorow! WOOO)
Ottawa Thursday (ForWeekend)
Midterm Tuesday

Sooooo I'll be back... eventually... but don't expect much for a while!

Love you guys! xo

IM IN THE WEDDING PARTY

I'm also going to be having a HUGEEEE role in planning it!
GAH SO FUCKING EXCITED!
Catch you all on the flip side when I have more time to update/ blog and read your guys's posts!

Later Skaters!

EEEKKKKK OMG!

I woke up this morning to a new BBM/Picture message on my phone!
One of my best friends got engaged last night!
nhaiodf;gjasefhagjsn gfipobhrajgesdfhasiofhgaerg!!!! I'M SO FUCKING EXCITEDDDD!
Unfortunately this means I won't be able to weigh in until the end of the week (instead of tomorrow as promised) but GAHHHH I'M SO EXCITED!
I haven't found out about the deets yet, mainly because I'm waiting for her to reply to my message, but I REALLLYYYY hope that there's a wedding, that I get to be in it, or at least I get to go to it, and that I get to help DRESS SHOP! Hellooooooo Motivation to loose more weight!
But NOW I'll have to be careful about my loss... the Bride-to-be is about the same size as I am, and as much as I'd like to will look fantastic at this wedding, I can't look better than her.
Hey, for once I'm thinking of someone other than myself and my ED... this is progress :)
Anyways... GFIU;AH;ODSHSIOADHFJGIHFAJHF IM SO HAPPY RIGHT NOW!
Love you guys, and I'll try my best to follow posts and such for the next few days but it looks as if my household is going to be atwitter with guests and such so I may not be able to post!
<3

Saturday

Sooo update on last night.

When I left you guys, I was still fasting, all was well.

I got home and my dad had made chicken wings and nachos... hellooo calories! Anyways, I ate only 4 wings (240 cals) and only a little bit of nachoes (soo lets round that up to say 300-350 max)
Then we had cake, and ice cream and cookies, and chips, cheese and crackers, the list goes on... I was polite and only had a little tiny bit of each, but still, I was sooo full, and I feel like I ate 10 million calories worth of CRAP

So I got up and worked out first think this morning (couldn't last night- family time and all haha)

So yeah, had a good hour long workout this morning... did 40 mins on the elliptical then the good ole 100 workout which feels like a pretty good output.

Then mom, dad and I just (LITERALLY just ) had dinner... some pad-thai wannabe meal... it was deeeelish. I took a tiny bit of rice, then my dad put on a scoop of chicken in some spicy thai sauce, then put cooked carrots and green beans on top, followed by bean sprouts and thinnnn slices of peppers. So me, being OH SO SMART, guzzled back some water, ate the veggies and a couple pieces of chicken (the pieces were about the diameter of a nickel and about a centimetre (under half an inch) thick) -and whatever rice was stuck to the chicken/veggies... then I went back and loaded up on more bean sprouts, ate them and voila, not only am I STUFFED, my parents think I ate a significant amount more than I actually did, and I barely touched my dinner.

Bravo for me... I figure dinner was in all likelihood under 400 cals to begin with, but I wouldnt be surprised if I was more in the 150 cal or less range- tres proud of myself!

Ps, bean sprouts for those of you who didn't know... are 27 cal for half a package (100 grams) ahaha yesssss! I love it!

Now the gameplan is to go out and stay away from food tonight.. Then I plan to workout then go home tomorrow morning- and resume fasting until at least Tuesday!

Love ya's

Fasting- Day 3

Surprise! I know, I've been slightly MIA for the last bit, I've been spending a lot of time at the boy's  and at school, and Idunno, there's just something uncomfortable about blogging in class... like people can read over my shoulder, and I just get really self-conscious. So I try to avoid it (which takes every fiber of my being to do by the way)

Anyways, yes, I've been pretty much fasting for 3 days now! And I feel fantastic! I say "pretty much" because although I've been fasting, there are times where you just HAVE to eat... for example, I had a piece of chocolate on day two because I was in a meeting, and they were passed around and I didn't want to be rude/the odd one out, or last night, while we were doing homework, the boy made toast with some soy peanut butter on it, and I had half a piece because he made me a full piece (without asking- to be nice) But all in all, I think that I've done exceptionally well, and I'm quite proud of myself. I'm still not weighing myself for another week, but hopefully I'll be into the 140s with all of my hard work! I went to the gym yesterday, and I've been getting in lots of exercise in other ways ;)
My diet's basically been consisting of water and black coffee for the last couple of days, but I'm going home tonight until Sunday, so I plan on just eating some peppers (I already cut them up and have them ready to go) and SMALL portions of whatever my dad makes for dinner (it's a birthday celebration weekend- my sisters were at the beginning of the month, mom's was last week, and mine is next week!)- so unfortunately there will likely be cake, but I'll be able to get away with small portions of everything- my mom's pretty understanding with what she thinks is "dieting" but in reality is hardcore restricting when she's not around (shhhhh dont tell)

Even though I've been fasting 3 days now, with exercise and such... I feel really good. I mean, I get tired a little earlier in the day (last night I was up doing homework till midnight, and I thought I was going to fall asleep into my computer)- but I mean, I've never been a night person. My workouts have been gong great- If I push too hard I get a little dizzy, so I know to drink some water and slow up my pace and within a couple minutes I feel fantastic again, and Surprisingly, I'm not that hungry! I actually was just in the kitchen getting ready to leave for home (before I realized that the snow outside my door was not making that possible) and I looked in the fridge, and all I wanted was one of my pepper slices. Not a huge piece of the marble cake with chocolate icing that's sitting on the counter. Not the candy or rice krispie squares in the cupboard, but one single slice of red pepper (and I'm not talking big slices here- I'm talking like the size you'd get in a veggie tray or something). Needless to say, I took 3 pieces, ate them, and am content with that. This was about 2 hours ago... And I haven't returned to the fridge. I am beyond proud of myself. Fasting has definitely reset my cravings from sweets and shit that's bad for me to veggies an good healthy foods.

Anyways, let's hope this weekend goes well, I'll keep you guys posted!

Real Quick Off to Class- Re: Seizure

Hey Loves!
Thanks all for being so concerned about yesterday <3
Don't fret, seizures are normal for me... well okay, far from normal, but no it's not from restricting or my eating or anything like that. It's an allergic reaction that I have (*cough to condoms (ahem latex)*) that causes me to do anything from space out to black out and everything in between, depending on how bad the reaction is. Haha it's not really anything I can avoid (NO I refuse to avoid it- I hate latex-free ones and lets be honest, I'm too smart to not use them, and too in love to stop doing...it), my seizures aren't that bad when they do happen (rarely)- I'm fully aware whats going on around me, it's just that my body trembles for a couple minutes, thats it that's all. It sucks fucking balls, but hey, that's life and we all have our crosses to bear.

Anyways, I'll post more and read blogs later today, I have class in like 20 mins that I have to be running off too! <3 xo love you guys!

How does he do it?

Gah, I was doing SO WELL with my fast yesterday, I was like an hour away from Pilates time, and was out shopping with the not-boyfriend exboyfriend. (gah my life is so complicated). Anyways, we were out, shopping, and then he invited me for dinner/movie at his house. I bailed on Pilates, didn't do too bad on dinner (def under 300 cal) then we had some like caramel popcorn, which I still don't think did TOO much damage, overall for yesterday I was probably around 500 cal, definitely under 600 though. Which sucks, but it wasn't terrible. I wish I knew how he does it, but he just makes me feel so comfortable, and I don't even notice what I've eaten until it's gone. Ugh. But then I got a little workout in ;) so all was well.

But today. Today was the big problem. Woke up in the morning and decided that I was still fasting to make up for yesterday. Was getting ready for class, and he of course distracted me (oh yeah, I slept over there haha). Anyways, I woke up determined to fast, go for a run, etc.

But then we had a quickie.

Then I had a seizure (I'm fine, don't panic, it happens)

Then we decided we had 20 mins before we had to leave for class... I slowly got up, and showered and such, but by the time we were both ready, we'd basically decided to not go to class, and to go for Coffee instead. How could I say no. I was in a daze. So we went, I had a calorie filled latte (yes and he used the line "because I like you a latte"- straight out of the movies. It was adorable. THEN we decided to go for lunch. He wanted to go for Subway, which I was okay with because I was just going to pick my veggies and such out and just eat them without the bread- not too bad. But when we pulled in front of  Subway, he decided he wanted something a little fancier, and we decided to go for sushi instead. How could I resist sushi! I've been avoiding it for so long. It's been almost a year since I've last had it because it doesn't help me loose weight at all. But somehow he convinced me, and we had all you can eat sushi. I'm bursting at the seams. I still didn't even eat that much, but I'm so stuffed, I feel disgusting. And so now, I'm not going to the gym because I'm so full I'd rather not barf all over their nice equipment... and as much as I'd love to purge (not even for like bulimic purposes, but only to make my stomach hurt a little less)- I know I can't because I just took my birth control, and I'd rather be fat for a little longer than pregnant for 9 months then stuck with a baby (see my rational thinking is still in tact at least) gahhhh I'm so full! And I'm so stupid! And I'm so angry with myself!

Clearly, I'm not eating for the rest of today (not that I'll even want/need to)

Hopefully I didn't undo all of the hard work I've done the last couple weeks

And I'm fasting for the rest of the week (until I go home this weekend- so 3 days fast- then veggies and such at home with the parents this weekend. Pretty fair I think, it's definitely doable)

140s by next week? Oh yes, I think so. Positive attitude, I'll be there! :)

Not going to break

Just a quick check-in! I've been doing REALLLYYYYY well with my fasting! I caved a little bit last night, but not enough to frustrate me even a little bit. I went for a run this morning and then had waterpolo this evening, and I've had only water today. Now I was pretty hungry fucking starving as I left for my game but when I got there, I found that one of my teammates had decided in her infinite wisdom to bring my MORTAL ENEMY (aka skankbitch ex bff who tried to steal my (ex)boyfriend right after he and I broke up)
Anyways, it was mortifying seeing her at the game... Me in my bathing suit for one is uncomfortable as it is, but it doesn't bother me too much because I know that my teammates don't care what I look like, and the people we're playing against aren't paying attention to how I look (I'm kind of a rockstar in the pool, so they're more worried about my mad skills yo!) But her. I know she was staring down at me from the stands all judgey and whatnot. I'LL HAVE NONE OF THAT! Gah! I hate her so much! We're roughly the same size right now, but that's fucking changing. I came back from the game and all notions of hunger are GONE.
I CAN do this. I will not break on my restricting. I have Pilates scheduled for tomorrow, and then swimming wednesday (yes, all this talk about swimming, and I've decided to get back into it, who knows, maybe I'll get back to racing- lmao) then kickboxing Thursday (I had to cancel last Thursday :( Major snowstorm made getting there difficult)
Anyways, off to see the new Underworld movie! Kate Beckinsale! loooveee <3

so cold

Hey Guys!
I hope everyone's feeling much better this weekend! As I write this (yes, write, not type- i didn't have a computer with me) I am in a frigid hockey arena for 4 HOURS)! And it's not much warmer outside (insert Canada Jokes Here)
It's SO COLD- to keep warm I wore 3+ layers of clothing (yes, 3 pairs of pants, 2 sweatshirts under my coat, etc.) I feel so ginormous. I checked the mirror before I left the house, and in all honesty, I look like a fat sausage stuffed crammed into my winter jacket (it's almost bursting at the seams)- hellooooo self-consciousness. I mean, it already feels a little tight without the sweaters, but now I just feel gross (and I have to wear it all again on Saturday)
I've found a new thinspiration/motivation this week though- Kate Beckinsale. The guys and I have been watching all of the Underworld movies recently and I keep having to hear about how gorgeous she is. It's annoying, but I agree- I'd kill for her body. I WILL have that body- soon.

Kate Beckinsale. Gah so gorgeous

I'm home for the weekend now- house all to myself and so far my restricting has been testing but good. My parents have SO MUCH good food (aka terrible for me) that I would LOVE to just binge on- but I haven't and now I'm going to go work out so I KNOW I wont eat (I never feel hungry after a workout)-that's my goal for this weekend- water fast and workout to kickstart my next week (now that I'm feeling much better, I need to get back on track!

Love yas!

mmmmm delicious

It seems like everywhere around me I see my ED. The last couple of days have been kind of rough, I've been doing pretty alright foodwise, but I cant focus, food, weight, not eating, its all constantly on my mind, I can't get away from it.

I can't wait until this weekend where I can get away, I'll be going home, I'll have the house to myself so I can exercise like crazy, and I'll be working the whole time, so I won't have time to eat. It'll be really nice. And I'm super excited for kickboxinggggg tomorrow! GAH!

I had so much that I wanted to tell you guys, and now I can't remember any of it! ughhhh! It was just general stuff, nothing too exciting has happened in my life the last couple of days but still, I wanted to share! Butttt I don't remember. So I'll post again later!

In the meantime, I just saw this posted by a friend on Facebook and thought it might be nice for some of you to read. I know it did wonders for me :)

Can You Guess What McDonald’s Food Item This Is?

Say hello to mechanically separated chicken. It’s what all fast-food chicken is made – things like chicken nuggets and patties. Also, the processed frozen chicken in the stores is made from it.

Basically, the entire chicken is smashed and pressed through a sieve — bones, eyes, guts, and all. it comes out looking like this.

There’s more: because it’s crawling with bacteria, it will be washed with ammonia, soaked in it, actually. Then, because it tastes gross, it will be reflavored artificially. Then, because it is weirdly pink, it will be dyed with artificial color.

But, hey, at least it tastes good, right?

Disgusting right? Well enjoy!

Rasberry Beret

This song is my new obsession! Idunno why, it came on in the car today, and obviously I knew it, but its always so overlooked, but it was so calming, I don't know why, but it just was. And I liked it.

Sooo not much to report, been feeling much better, doing lots of homework and such. Weekends over tomorrow, lots of crap and errands to do, (yay! I get to make lists and shit!) Then working the overnight shift tomorrow night, so don't expect a post (because I don't have internet at work), but I'll probably write something out with my computer and then just post it in a day or so (so look foreward to that!)


Foodwise, I've been doing splendidly, haven't weighed myself, like I promised, but I'm superrrr excited because now that I'm settled back into school, I can get back to the gym and such! Kickboxing Thursday, can't fucking wait! GAH!

I saw Beauty and the Beast tonight (In theatres, of course I've already seen it before)- it was good, and I'm glad I saw it (it came out originally the year I was born, so definitely worth seeing the classics in theaters), but was it everything I ever dreamed of? Not really, Lion King was fantastic though. But I am happy to say that Disney did not disappoint :)

Anyways, I think that's all I have for now, I'm pretty tired and I have an EARLYYYY class tomorrow, so I'll catch you all on the flip side!

Oh and for SAM- the much promised Supernatural Secrets that you may or may not have heard! (WARNING!!!)- For anyone who is not caught up in Supernatural, I wouldn't read this if I were you! It'll make you SAAAADDDDD
Okkkkk soooo we (me and the ex) were watching an interview with Robert Singer (the producer, not the character haha) and he told us 3 important things about this season that you'll be EVER SO HAPPY TO HEAR
1. We get to see Bobby again in some capacity ("not necessarily alive")-aka he's probably the reason that Deans beer mysteriously drank itself 2 episodes ago (thats just my thoughts though)
2. Cas, that's right Misha fucking Collins will be back for a 3 episode story arc at somepoint this season (mainly because we, the people were PISSED THE FUCK OFF that his death with the leviathans was so STUPID)- anyways, sadly, it looks like this story arc will be the end of this character :( (SADFACE)- apparently the goal of this season was to separate the boys from everyone close to them (ie. the car, Cas then Bobby)
3. Season 7 (aka now) will end with a cliff hanger ending, regardless of whether or not SPN gets renewed (which we probs wont find out till fucking April like last year)

Anyways, I thought you might like to hear that news (even though it has mixed feelings- but at least we're prepared for it now!)

Love yous all! <3 xox

Motivational Challenge

Down to business.

I've noticed that a) a lot of us have been sick lately and so I hope that you all get better, I'm feeling MUCH better myself today, thanks to everyone for the well wishes!

I've also noticed that b) a lot of us have mentioned in our blogs that we've been slipping up the last week or so, or in the words of Emma, we've "been really down and lost [our] drives to loose weight". Emma's right, and I'm no exception to this. I've been failing miserably at fasting the last couple of days. Part of the reason will come later in this post, but the other part is just that I have no motivation to do anything. I've been feeling so... empty the last few days. I had to force myself to go to school, I haven't exercised in forever, I haven't drawn, or written like I wanted to, haven't read any school books, and I've been eating the most unhealthy foods imaginable. And I hate myself for it, but that's just not stopping me.

But Emma's given me an idea. Many of us are stuck in a certain range (I'm stuck, like her in the 150s), some of you are stuck in the 130s, some of you in the 100s)- my challenge for you this month is a simple one, but will take work. Break Through. My challenge is for you to break through your range into a new one. So for myself, I need to break through the 150s and into the 140s. That's all. It's not a challenge to see who can loose the most, it's more of a kind of motivation to help us all back up on our feet to where you want to be. It doesn't matter what you do to achieve this- diets, exercise regimes, whatever, just do it. For some, this will mean loosing only 2lbs, for others (and sadly, including myself) it will mean 7lbs, but don't let that stop you, we're all in this together.

Yes, you heard right, I've gained a disgusting 6lbs! I'm back up to 156lbs after being sick and eating all of those crackers and toast and such. But that's not all that I've been eating. The biggest offender (as of yesterday)- Peanut Butter.

My ex and I (we'll call him K), so, K and I have been getting along well lately, and hanging out a lot. The same was true for last night... Things were going great, and then we got into a fight over his stupidly telling a bunch of our friends something that was private between the two of us from back when we dated. He was playing a drinking game with our friends and it came up (as part of the game) and he told everyone. He didn't tell who it was, but everyone kind of assumed because we dated for 5 years, so it's pretty obvious that I was the girl in the story. So now, every time a question surrounding the issue comes up in future games (which is often I play all the time)- I can't lie about it because they all know, and it's mortifying. Anyways, so we got in a fight because of this, and me not being able to trust him around that bitch of an ex best friend and such, anyways, world war III, I ended up leaving, all pissed off, and in my infinite anger, I decided to eat like a million Reese Peanut butter cups, some PB on toast, etc. Why? Because that's what I do when I'm mad at him. Why is that, you may ask? I eat Peanut Butter  either a) so I'm not tempted to go make up with him (he has an allergy)  or b) so that if I want to, I have the power to kill him in an angry, anaphylactic rage. Mind you, I'm not sure whether it's for A or B, but regardless, it was a lot of peanut butter, which I'm not proud of.

We still haven't spoken. It's a lot of anger and resentment at the moment...
It makes me sad.
BUT! Starting tomorrow, I'm turning things around!

Oh also, I found This website which I thought I'd share (I'm in charge of hosting a lunch tomorrow so I was hunting for low cal recipes I can serve to others and found it! Enjoy Loves! xox